have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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