thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
