ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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