Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He better not be in your backpack
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
