Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
