question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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