It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
