Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
