Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
