your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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