in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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