I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
