When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
