I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
