Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
