i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
