just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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