Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want to make out with him forever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
