just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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