what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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