final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
