i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
