are you so shy because you have an std?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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