so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
