i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
