as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
