peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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