yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
