Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
