you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Found the puke drawer
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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