I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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