So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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