drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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