I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
