I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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