Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
