Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
