you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
