we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
