Got a toothbrush?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
