i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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