I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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