You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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