I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
