Buhtt sex?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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