OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
