hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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