Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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