woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
