i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
