I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
