when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
