I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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